block #4: the "lazy housemate" block

Unfortunately, this is too common a problem for me to ignore any longer.  Let's say, for example-purely hypothetically speaking-that you live in a house, apartment, whatever, with several other people.  Now, of course, these people are awesome in general, but sometimes...you want to play dodgeball with them using cinder-blocks.  Here's why:

-taking out the trash: They'd rather ask you to do it than walk the bag of trash outside. And they're always miraculously busy when you respond with, "That's strange, I don't think you've taken out the trash in three months."  WHEN THE GARBAGE MONSTER IS EATING MY APARTMENT, SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE.


-doing the dishes: Why do their dishes, when your dishes are clean? They can just use those!


-leaving stuff everywhere: When I have to wade through your shoes in the hallway to get to my room...we have a problem.


-"six million details" syndrome: While I do care, I'm not your diary. We can talk about stuff, but I don't need you to catalogue EVERYTHING you've done, eaten, thought, etc.


-complaining about a busy schedule: Yes, you are THE ONLY person who does things, and your things that you do are much more difficult than things that other people do.


-getting mad over stupid things: No, I don't want to be single and miserable. Stop getting mad at me for going out on dates.


-generally being inconsiderate: Ok, so we don't have the class schedule. When I have to get up first, notice how I don't run around and slam doors, have loud phone conversations, and turn on the hair dryer before 10? It's not that I don't ever feel the urge to do these things.

-parents showing up more than once a month: This is self explanatory. This is not unreasonable. Even once a month is extreme. I see my parents three times a year. You are an adult, so act like one. Don't wake me up at 7 on a Sunday to tell me that your parents will be there at 8. Or I might eat you.


-understanding how doors work: Usually, if my bedroom door is closed and locked/barricaded, it means I don't want to deal with people. It does NOT mean that you have the right to stand in the hallway and yell things through the door/whine when I don't let you in to talk about glitter and boys.


So, how do you deal with these problems?  Sometimes it's best to just try to sit down and explain the problem behavior.  For example, "Hey I know you're busy but can we try to keep the number of dishes in the sink to a minimum?"


Sometimes, passive aggressive post-it notes are all that works.  My personal favorite was:
"YO-
TAKE THE TRASH OUT. before you leave. if I get back and it's still here, I'm lighting it on fire. don't test me.
P.S. happy spring break!"
These can at times be helpful because while you seem funny, your housemate probably doesn't actually want you to light the trash on fire.


Before you approach this conversation, though, take a moment to reflect on what exactly the problem is.  If this is the first time something has happened, maybe you let it go.  If the habit isn't terrible or you can live with it, maybe don't bring it up.  Picking your battles is a good strategy because you don't want to spend all of your time yelling back and forth because that's just exhausting.


If things don't change and your problem is bad enough that you'd consider packing all your stuff up and moving, sometimes that may be the best option.  Just remember, your day is stressful enough that when you come home you shouldn't have to deal with a crazy house.