block #8: the "i can't fall asleep" block, part 1

This isn't going to be a post that explains how to beat the "I can't fall asleep" block...this is just going to set up how I finally beat the "I can't fall asleep" block.


Context: I'm a mild insomniac.  Just a little bit.  My insomnia kinda comes and goes as it pleases; I'll be fine for a month, and then I won't sleep for a week.  It's a bit of an issue.

This weekend, however, I wasn't able to sleep, and it wasn't by choice that this was happening.


So let me preface this by saying that, yes, I'm a college student.  We are notorious for not sleeping a lot, and making sure that we are completely addicted to coffee, if not simply some kind of caffeine in general, by the time we graduate from our institutes of higher learning.  I am not the exception that proves the rule; in fact, I'm the one who probably inspired the rule, in a past life.  (For more info about my coffee problems, see below.)


POINT BEING, I'm not great about the amount of sleep I get to begin with.  I'm usually between four and seven hours per night, and that's not straight through.  I have this really great habit of waking up at like 3:30 in the morning and not being able to get back to sleep.


That, though, is assuming that I even get to sleep in the first place.


My school week ends on Thursday; all sophomore year, I've managed to schedule myself out of class on Fridays.  (Next semester, I might actually be able to do the same once again; this really ticks off my one roommate who's studying chemical engineering, because she is a strong believer in the 5-day week and has a class that enjoys testing on Fridays, which sucks.)


So, last Thursday night, I decided to head over to the lodge (think a lounge-style building that's next to the apartment complex) so that I could decorate a t-shirt with puffy paint.  Having some arts and crafts time, lots of glitter, etc.  I then get a series of phone calls from people who give me a combination of bad news and generally blame me for things that aren't my fault.


What was once a peaceful, glittery evening is now a stressful one.


When I tell my roommate about the fact that I am now stressed, she makes a great suggestion: why not go see a movie?  This sounds exciting to me, because I really like movies, and haven't been to one since the first part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out (shout out to the HP fans).  So, I agree.


Little did I realize...this was where I went wrong.


We go to see "The Lucky One," as it comes out at midnight.  Movie was okay; I didn't come out overwhelmed, but I wouldn't say it was bad.  It was something to take my mind off all of the crap back at campus.  Thus, it did its job.  We got back to campus.  It was around 0230 when I realized I wasn't tired.


So I read a book.  Then I read another book.  Then, I read a third book.


(By the way, I read really quickly.  I've been known to finish books that have 1000 pages over the course of a 4 hour flight from LA to Chicago.)


By the time I was done reading books, it was 8 in the morning.  Whoops, where did the night go?  Yeah, I spent it watching Zac Efron and reading a series that my friend recommended to me (it was okay).


I thought to myself, "Hey, maybe I'll try to go to sleep."  But my roommate was up, and, if you've been reading any of my other posts, you know what happens when my roommate has class in the morning and I try to sleep.


I had a booked day, starting at around 10, and needed to get up and shower.  So, I was awake for the day, like it or not.


Then, it hit me.  12 hours later, I was going to be starting my consecutive standby shifts for Relay For Life, a walk that takes place over the course of 18 hours, for LUEMS.  I wasn't supposed to sleep during the standby, and I had two shifts: 8:30 p.m. to 1 a.m., and 1 a.m. to 5:30 a.m.  (As it turned out, I'd later be taking the 5:30 a.m. shift to 10 a.m. shift in addition.)


I went through my day, fueled by coffee, and slowly the standby approached.  When it was finally there, I began my night with enthusiasm.


By about 2 a.m. the enthusiasm was gone, the coffee had worn off, and I was tired.

MMM...coffee

The remainder of the second shift was spent watching YouTube videos in the truck with my crew chief.  We accidentally killed the battery because he left the key in third position, and had to get LUPD to come jump the truck.  Whoops...


(Side note: when I thought I was done at 6:30 and started to go back to my apartment, there were 5 deer outside!  They were adorable.)


The standby passed by uneventfully, but I wasn't allowed to sleep between 8:30 p.m. and 9:30 a.m.; then, the sun was up, so my brain refused to let me sleep.  I was awake for the day, because that day was booked with activities too.


The day passed in a whirlwind of activity, nice weather, and yawning.  Yet, even when I tried to take a nap, I couldn't sleep, because of the sunlight that wasn't completely blocked by the blinds on my bedroom window.


At around 2:30 a.m. Sunday morning...I was finally done with everything.  I took my contacts out, brushed my teeth, changed into pajamas, and got into bed.  Yet...I still couldn't sleep!


-end of part 1-

block #7: the "but it's raining!" block

Ok, so if you're anything like me (and hopefully for your sake you're not), you love the rain.  Now I don't mean just normal, "oh, yes, why I rather enjoy the smell of rain post-rain time," love.  I mean full on, "I want to go jump in puddles in the middle of the rain until I'm sopping wet like a dog after a bath" type-love of the rain.  I freaking LOVE the rain; I'm not kidding.


Need more proof that I love the rain?  Check out the background for this blog.  Yeah, that's been there all along.  Subliminal, or something.  Crazy stuff.


My brother and I once pitched a tent using a tarp and a broom so that we could sit outside in the rain in our pajamas.  Then, we turned our makeshift tent into a makeshift snail sanctuary because we were afraid that the snails were going to drown if we left them out in the rain.


On an unrelated note, we had managed to lock ourselves out of the house while my mom drove my dad to the airport, so when she came back and couldn't find us in the house, she was really confused until she noticed the bright blue tent in the backyard.  Yeah, my childhood was a little weird.

What it looks like when it's gloomy out in LA

So, lovin' the rain.  Maybe it's because I'm from Los Angeles, so I kinda have a long-distance relationship with rain...as in I don't get to see it a lot.  Not as in I really enjoy texting it, penning long, heartfelt letters and making thoughtful mix cds for it.  Cause seriously, dating the weather would be weird.


Now, normally when it rains I'm doing a whole lot of stuff, so I don't have time to wish I could be in the rain.  When you've got to go to class and meetings and work, you don't have time to think about the longing that makes pangs in your chest as you wish you could be jumping around in the rain like a three year old in hot pink rain boots.  (Shout out to my mom for never dressing me in pink rain boots.)


(Seriously?  Rain boots is two words, not a compound word?  When I type "rainboots," I get a red set of dashes underlining the word that implies HEY, YOU, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.  Huh.  Learn something new everyday.)


Anyway, back to my earlier problem.


Today is Sunday.  While Sundays are generally glorious days of being allowed to sleep in until 9:30, decaffeinated semi-awake time, and fighting my way through a pile of homework with a chainsaw (metaphorically, of course), they don't usually call for actual schedules, and are flexible in terms of what I can do and when I need to do it.


Today, this was a problem.  Because: THERE WAS RAIN.  And all I wanted to do was go run around in the rain, and I needed to focus and do work.  I just kept staring out the window and trying to find reasons that I needed to walk outside (example: I really needed to go over to the other building so that I could get a soda) and be in the rain.

IS SO BEAUTIFUL...I LOVE IT!

On top of that, the people that I needed to talk to for an article I was writing weren't emailing me back, so I couldn't move forward with writing the article, which REALLY gave me nothing to do, because then not only was I stuck inside refreshing my email every five minutes, but I also couldn't actually be productive, and my roommate had banned me from going outside and running around in the rain.  "For my own good," supposedly.


So how did I solve my rain dilemma?  Ultimately, I had to sit inside and actually do my homework because almost all of it required a computer, and the parts that didn't require a computer were parts that I couldn't actually do yet because I have to print them off of the computer and that requires walking to the library.  I would have loved to walk to the library so I could have been in the rain, but I don't own many things that are waterproof and so getting the papers that I had printed out back up the mountain to my apartment could have been challenging.  Cause professors don't generally like when you hand them mushy, soggy pieces of paper with some ink smeared on them that you claim is your homework assignment.  That's not how you make friends.  Or good grades.


Anyway, so back to my rain problem.  The following were the ways that I was able to combat my lovesickness and inability to be happy in general:
-Make a rain playlist, and then listen to it on repeat.
-Open the window when it started raining harder so I could listen to the rain.
-Sit near the window so I could feel the general chill of the rain.
-Think about rain a lot, and go to write this post.
-Take a shower, to improvise what it would feel like to be in the rain while still doing something productive.


And so on and so forth.


Eventually, though, I'm going to have to accept the fact that I don't get to play in the rain today and go be a productive adult.  But someday, the rain and I shall be reunited.  And it shall be glorious.

block #6: the "but it's the weekend!" block

So.  Most of us are just awesome students and all, but when it comes to doing homework or other school-related things, my brain and general interest tanks on the weekends.


Lots of free time before I need to go to class again?  Why thank you SO MUCH for assigning extra work for me to do during that time!  I really appreciate it.


Not sure if sarcasm translates well to blog-speak.  So, just in case, go back and read that paragraph in a sarcastic voice.


Now, in terms of trying to get things done on the weekend, there's a basic formula that I use to make sure that at some point things will get accomplished.


Step one: make a list.  This might seem counter-productive, but usually it works for me because I look at a list that's three pages long and realize that it's Sunday at 4 p.m., I'm working that night, and the 10 page paper isn't going to write itself...in short, that I need to get started.


Step two: actually tackle the things on the list.  Depending on my mood, I'll either alternate things that are easy with things that are difficult, or multitask; for example, laundry and reading can happen at the same time.  Multitasking usually isn't great if you're overwhelmed, because it can just stress you out more.


While you're in step two, don't forget to take breaks so you don't get overwhelmed.


Step three: cross things off the list so you feel like you're making progress.  Even if they're small things, it will still make you feel better/like you're getting things done.


And, if all else fails...pray.

block #5: the "waking up on a monday" block

So obviously, we all know what that yonder cup of happiness is...it's how most of the college students, by the time they're seniors, can convince themselves to get up in the morning.

Option two, of course, is to roll over and hit snooze when your alarm goes off at 6:30...then to open your eyes and bolt upright when you realize it's 6:55 and you have to web register for classes a 7:00.  That one usually works pretty well to get me out of bed.  (Of course, that's a less frequent one, but still.)

Another one that I've heard works is to put your alarm on the other side of the room, so that you have to physically get up and turn it off.  Probably not the best idea if you can sleep through it, though--mine is usually way too close to my face for comfort.

Probably what works for me, though (going back to the coffee), is the knowledge that if I sleep for "just 10 more minutes," it's going to be that much harder to stay awake in class.  While I wouldn't suggest developing a caffeine addiction, I certainly can't judge anyone who does because, well, I have.  Anyway, what gets me out of bed: if I don't get up, I won't have time to get coffee before class.

That being said...class is officially in less than an hour, so I'm gonna go get ready for my half-mile walk to the building, which will be rewarded by a coffee stop if I'm passing the kiosk by 8:55.

block #4: the "lazy housemate" block

Unfortunately, this is too common a problem for me to ignore any longer.  Let's say, for example-purely hypothetically speaking-that you live in a house, apartment, whatever, with several other people.  Now, of course, these people are awesome in general, but sometimes...you want to play dodgeball with them using cinder-blocks.  Here's why:

-taking out the trash: They'd rather ask you to do it than walk the bag of trash outside. And they're always miraculously busy when you respond with, "That's strange, I don't think you've taken out the trash in three months."  WHEN THE GARBAGE MONSTER IS EATING MY APARTMENT, SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE.


-doing the dishes: Why do their dishes, when your dishes are clean? They can just use those!


-leaving stuff everywhere: When I have to wade through your shoes in the hallway to get to my room...we have a problem.


-"six million details" syndrome: While I do care, I'm not your diary. We can talk about stuff, but I don't need you to catalogue EVERYTHING you've done, eaten, thought, etc.


-complaining about a busy schedule: Yes, you are THE ONLY person who does things, and your things that you do are much more difficult than things that other people do.


-getting mad over stupid things: No, I don't want to be single and miserable. Stop getting mad at me for going out on dates.


-generally being inconsiderate: Ok, so we don't have the class schedule. When I have to get up first, notice how I don't run around and slam doors, have loud phone conversations, and turn on the hair dryer before 10? It's not that I don't ever feel the urge to do these things.

-parents showing up more than once a month: This is self explanatory. This is not unreasonable. Even once a month is extreme. I see my parents three times a year. You are an adult, so act like one. Don't wake me up at 7 on a Sunday to tell me that your parents will be there at 8. Or I might eat you.


-understanding how doors work: Usually, if my bedroom door is closed and locked/barricaded, it means I don't want to deal with people. It does NOT mean that you have the right to stand in the hallway and yell things through the door/whine when I don't let you in to talk about glitter and boys.


So, how do you deal with these problems?  Sometimes it's best to just try to sit down and explain the problem behavior.  For example, "Hey I know you're busy but can we try to keep the number of dishes in the sink to a minimum?"


Sometimes, passive aggressive post-it notes are all that works.  My personal favorite was:
"YO-
TAKE THE TRASH OUT. before you leave. if I get back and it's still here, I'm lighting it on fire. don't test me.
P.S. happy spring break!"
These can at times be helpful because while you seem funny, your housemate probably doesn't actually want you to light the trash on fire.


Before you approach this conversation, though, take a moment to reflect on what exactly the problem is.  If this is the first time something has happened, maybe you let it go.  If the habit isn't terrible or you can live with it, maybe don't bring it up.  Picking your battles is a good strategy because you don't want to spend all of your time yelling back and forth because that's just exhausting.


If things don't change and your problem is bad enough that you'd consider packing all your stuff up and moving, sometimes that may be the best option.  Just remember, your day is stressful enough that when you come home you shouldn't have to deal with a crazy house.

block #3: the "being a real person" block

Back when "being a real person" meant "holy cow I can actually drive myself from point A to point B and play whatever music I want along the way," things were much easier.  Now, though...now I'm responsible for things that involve the "real world"...and it's a little scary.


Let's take a look back at some of my milestone progressions into adulthood/"real person" life.

Learning to do one's own laundry...that was an exciting experience for most of the boys in my freshman dorm.  Every week, when I went to wash my clothes, there would inevitably be a boy standing at either a washer or dryer with his head cocked to the side-like a confused puppy who can't figure out why his owner didn't throw the ball-examining the miscellaneous shiny buttons and dials, etc.


I know, this scared me a little too.


Once I successfully taught the majority of the dorm how to wash their clothes, I was pretty much able to get through the rest of the year without having to make many other adjustments (other than living on the other side of the country from everything I knew and loved).


But sophomore year...that was when things got real.


I learned within about a week of moving into an apartment that food no longer magically appeared in a dining-hall buffet style format.  Thus, groceries/cooking.


Groceries never ceased to be an adventure.  Between getting lost, there not being the right flavor of yogurt at the store, and trying to push a grocery cart while on crutches for over a month...there were some difficulties.


Cooking, as it turned out, was the easy part of that combo.  All you have to do is follow the instructions and if you get something that smells and tastes yummy and doesn't give you food poisoning, it's a success.


Obviously, other challenges came up, but between signing a lease, scraping together a security deposit, and learning of the joys of caffeinated morning beverages, things were okay for awhile.


Then we got to do things like apply for internships.


Suddenly, I needed to have a resume, magical cover letter-writing skills, a portfolio, an ability to charm potential employers over the phone, and-the most terrible thing ever-business casual clothing.


I probably wore a skirt a total of 20 times throughout high school and didn't own anything that was remotely appropriate for an office environment.  I live in jeans and tank tops-it's the Los Angeles in me-and there was no way these people were going to get me to actually wear a suit.  This evil business casual ultimately taught me how to compromise.  I can wear an annoying skirt with a top that I really like and cute heels and earrings.  That I can do...and be happy while doing it.


What have I learned from all this?


Even when you have to be sitting in a stuffy business casual outfit (ew) you can still let your personality come through.  You don't have to grow up to get old.  You can have fun and laugh, even when you're in an interview or at work.  It's not always a bad thing to just pencil in a little bit of time to relax and hang out with a friend.  And, most importantly, be yourself.  If you don't like something, you're the only one who can change it.  But when you're happy before your head hits the pillow at the end of a long day, or when you feel satisfied after accomplishing a big task...well, you're doing something right.

block #2: the "friend zone" block

So this has been on my mind recently, because a friend of mine has been "friendzoned" a few times.  As one who sometimes needs to friendzone people, I'm putting this out there so that people can understand what's normally going on with the other person.  So, for my purposes, "friendzone" means:


v. to express, generally in a form that is explicit (so as not to be ignored any longer), that one does not have interest in a type of relationship with another other than that associated with a Platonic or non-romantic friendship.

How to deal with the "friendzone" block: First, realize that there basically are two possible reasons for the friendship block. The person in question isn't interested in the type of relationship you're pursuing because either 1) they're not looking for that type of relationship in general, or 2) it's probably something about you that just makes them feel like their insides are being populated by cockroaches.


Kidding.  Sometimes people just aren't compatible with one another, and it's not worth the emotional time and effort to try to make something work that really doesn't have much more of a chance than a snowman in the Sahara.


But in all seriousness, this doesn't mean that you need to go running to try to act differently to catch someone's attention.  Because as much as the idea of being rejected by someone that you really care about sucks, the idea of having to pretend to be someone you're not definitely sucks more.


What NOT to do in the event that you are the recipient of the "friendzone" block:
-cry, yell, pout, or engage in some combination of the three
-go on some kind of "revenge" spree
-whine about it to other people
-generally act like a four year old


Yes, it sucks.  But, honestly, you will go on.  It will be ok.  And think of it this way: at least someone wasn't leading you on.  Even though you may be upset now, it's better to know at the beginning than months later that "it just isn't going to work because things don't feel right."


Oh, and by the way.  You know that old saying about there being other fish in the sea?  It's true.  Sometimes it doesn't seem like they're swimming your way...but they'll get there eventually.  Just got to give them time.